Chapter 11- Authors Journal (trying something new)

Slowly delving into who Bella is, finding her in this story in a way is like finding myself. I have never been through the tramatic expericance that I write about in this story. MNN is a quest that I wasnt sure where it would take me. I cant emagine the things that happen to people in their lives day to day, some so much worse off than mine. In a way this has made me think more offten than not that 'things could be worse'.
Bella's experiances in MNN are going ot delve a little more dark, but keeping focus on the fact hta she is in this new uncharted territory with dating Edward. Leaves are being turned over, the more she openes up the more she is learning who has been on her fighting side for longer than she seems to see.
Peters charactur, this brute force is my favorite, its the tough love that most people need. I know that from expericance that the tough love is what ties you to a family member stronger than just any kind of love. Peter is the kind of brother in my mind that i had wished i had grown up with. i have three brothers, two older and one younger. and as kids we fought tooth and nail. the older ones picked on me, teased me reletlessly and more than once banged me up. the younger one always had a way of getting on my nerves, needless to say i picked on him.
i get along with the younger one now, we talk more, goof off like were still both teenagers and when were together we have a way of embarassing the crap out of our mom.... i dont see him as much as i would like to sadly since we live in seperate states, him in Cali and me two states away.

MNN has this way of making me check over my shoulder too, like my mother would be standing there watching me write the horrific parts. watching me....yah, i look. I feel like I push the envaople with this one big time, that I'm asking for someone to retaliate. i wish i could hear more about what people want to read more of, if i should delve into more of that, or just little hints here and there???????
ah...the questions, one thing though. this has taught me that i'm more comfortable with typing than i thought, being able to sit in my room at night, when i cant sleep nad just type...in the dark, i know bad me its horrible for my eyes.


With love and many typos...
Oaklynnd S....

Chapter 9-

Here  is a little sneek peak into the upcoming chapter.

I could have gone of f the deep end, shut everyone out, shut the world out and sought for whatever it was to make me numb. I could have gotten into drugs and partied hard, I could have slept around.

I could have….

There are a lot of the could have’s, the what if’s that we all ask ourselves. Like asking them and wondering will make what the reality we have seem better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. No matter how many times a doctor has told me that wondering about the what if’s and the could haves won’t change it, I still think about it.

What if I wasn’t the stocked girl that was grabbed?

What if I had told the dance company yes?  Would I be center stage in some Broadway dance production? Would I have turned into an anorexic from the pressure? Bulimic? Would I have stuck to it when it got hard?

Would I have had a boyfriend the year I was taken? Lost my virginity to a boy I thought I loved to only have him break my heart? Or would I still be with that boy?

Would I live in Forks still or somewhere else in the country? The world maybe? I had always wanted to see Paris, and Italy.

Its a short preview, but I'm working on getting this posted ASAP. I've slacked a little on it due to being with family, they come first.

Chapter Seven!

Chapter six left us all off with Bella living through the memory that had her mark her body. f you haven't read the chapter do so, I'm going to post the link to find the story at the bottom of this post. just know that this is a sneak peek to the next chapter, and reading on will only ruin the story for you if you haven't read this far. I
                  http://www.thewriterscoffeeshop.com/library/viewuser.php?uid=12448

Labeling herself 'whore' made her purse therapy further and ultimately made the decision that what she needs to work on is herself, so she is putting her education on the back burner for the rest of her semester. With talking to the doctor who is counseling her to seek out hypnotherapy to delve deeper into the past subconsciously, she seeks out help from an unlikely friend.
Here's your peek:

“I have subconscious suicidal tendencies. Love my life,” I said.

“Is Charlie working late?” he asked.

“I assume so, whatever is going on in Port Angeles has him there until odd hours of the night, I’m lucky I don’t have Jasper hovering over me.”

“What do you study in school?” he asked.

“Art, it’s a coping mechanism; I found I’m good at it.”

“Really?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” I said.

I pointed to the painting on the wall of a small girl running in a field.

“I did that one,” I told him.

“You?” he stood up to really look at the painting.

“If you look you can see her face.” I told him.

“Where, her back is facing us,” he said.

I got up and touched the glass lightly and pointed to the reflection most eyes wouldn’t see in the sky.

“Wow, I would have never found that.”

“It’s one of Ali’s favorites.”

“Are you working on anything?”

To admit or not to admit?

I nodded, “it’s morbid, though. I started painting it that night you came.”

The phone rang and he went to get it. I looked at my tiny signature on the painting. It made me feel proud that it was displayed in their home.

He came back in and I asked him the question I was dying to.

“What do you think about hypnotherapy?” I asked him.

“If it works and does good not harm, I don’t have any problem with it. Why?”

“The doctor that I see wants to try Parts Therapy.”

“I would give it some serious thought; you suffer from nightmares that cause you to be suicidal. I hardly doubt it could do you more harm, but you should weigh your options, maybe get a second opinion.”

“I still find it hard to talk about what happened, not only that but then the details she wants, ones she asks for. She is hoping that it will reach some sort of common ground that will help me move past it.”

“If that’s what she feels, I suggest having someone that knows you and someone you trust to be with you. Just in case something goes wrong,” he said.

I nodded, that made sense.

I know evil, you don't know who 'he' is, but I do.... Any guesses?

Sneak peek.

Chapter Five-
Had Bella opening up more to Alice and admitting her fears, without telling her that it was her brother she trusted but feared at the same time. The conversation brought Rose, Alice's sister in-law more into the picture as she shared her story with Bella. Telling Bella the hardest lesson was to just trust and go with the unknown. you never know unless you try.


Chapter 6-
This chapter has a small talk between longtime friends Jessie and Bella, cut short with the introduction of Bella's older trusted brother Jasper. a slip causes Bella to wind up hurt and Jasper is found consoling her and attempting to take the blame even though he had no knowledge of the solution that would have prevented it.
Here's and excerpt from the chapter: (evil laugh)

I showered and dressed before grabbing my phone and making it outside without Jasper knowing. He was on the phone with what I guessed to be Peter or even Kristen.

I dialed quickly sitting down on the bench outside.

“Hello?” she said.

“Mrs. Cullen this is Bella I was wondering if your husband was home.”

“Sure, Bella. Hold on.” she said cautiously. The line was quiet.

“Hello, Bella.”

“I was wondering if you could help me.” I asked him for the first time since knowing Alice.

“What do you need?”

“To know if I need stitches.”

“Let me grab my bag and I can come over,” he said.

“Thank you,” I told him.

Hanging up and pocketing the phone Jasper opened the screen door and sat next to me.

“It’s going to be okay,” he said pulling me close.

“I never feels like it will be.” I said.

“Dad said you haven’t had a problem with this since you went on your meds. I’m sorry you forgot last night, I should have made sure you took them.”

“I’m a grown woman, Jas. You couldn’t have know n I was even on them.”

Jasper W. Swan

Age: 30

First Post

Hey! Heres to Blogging, and to doing something new. I'm going to post pics and sneak peeks on this blog.
Much love- Oaky S.