Chapter 11- Authors Journal (trying something new)

Slowly delving into who Bella is, finding her in this story in a way is like finding myself. I have never been through the tramatic expericance that I write about in this story. MNN is a quest that I wasnt sure where it would take me. I cant emagine the things that happen to people in their lives day to day, some so much worse off than mine. In a way this has made me think more offten than not that 'things could be worse'.
Bella's experiances in MNN are going ot delve a little more dark, but keeping focus on the fact hta she is in this new uncharted territory with dating Edward. Leaves are being turned over, the more she openes up the more she is learning who has been on her fighting side for longer than she seems to see.
Peters charactur, this brute force is my favorite, its the tough love that most people need. I know that from expericance that the tough love is what ties you to a family member stronger than just any kind of love. Peter is the kind of brother in my mind that i had wished i had grown up with. i have three brothers, two older and one younger. and as kids we fought tooth and nail. the older ones picked on me, teased me reletlessly and more than once banged me up. the younger one always had a way of getting on my nerves, needless to say i picked on him.
i get along with the younger one now, we talk more, goof off like were still both teenagers and when were together we have a way of embarassing the crap out of our mom.... i dont see him as much as i would like to sadly since we live in seperate states, him in Cali and me two states away.

MNN has this way of making me check over my shoulder too, like my mother would be standing there watching me write the horrific parts. watching me....yah, i look. I feel like I push the envaople with this one big time, that I'm asking for someone to retaliate. i wish i could hear more about what people want to read more of, if i should delve into more of that, or just little hints here and there???????
ah...the questions, one thing though. this has taught me that i'm more comfortable with typing than i thought, being able to sit in my room at night, when i cant sleep nad just type...in the dark, i know bad me its horrible for my eyes.


With love and many typos...
Oaklynnd S....

Chapter 9-

Here  is a little sneek peak into the upcoming chapter.

I could have gone of f the deep end, shut everyone out, shut the world out and sought for whatever it was to make me numb. I could have gotten into drugs and partied hard, I could have slept around.

I could have….

There are a lot of the could have’s, the what if’s that we all ask ourselves. Like asking them and wondering will make what the reality we have seem better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. No matter how many times a doctor has told me that wondering about the what if’s and the could haves won’t change it, I still think about it.

What if I wasn’t the stocked girl that was grabbed?

What if I had told the dance company yes?  Would I be center stage in some Broadway dance production? Would I have turned into an anorexic from the pressure? Bulimic? Would I have stuck to it when it got hard?

Would I have had a boyfriend the year I was taken? Lost my virginity to a boy I thought I loved to only have him break my heart? Or would I still be with that boy?

Would I live in Forks still or somewhere else in the country? The world maybe? I had always wanted to see Paris, and Italy.

Its a short preview, but I'm working on getting this posted ASAP. I've slacked a little on it due to being with family, they come first.